{"id":11,"date":"2015-01-19T16:51:51","date_gmt":"2015-01-19T16:51:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/stories.kera.org\/broken-hip\/?p=11"},"modified":"2015-04-10T14:36:53","modified_gmt":"2015-04-10T14:36:53","slug":"caregiving-from-afar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stories.kera.org\/the-broken-hip\/2015\/01\/19\/caregiving-from-afar\/","title":{"rendered":"Caregiving From Afar"},"content":{"rendered":"

Many adult children have to care for their parents from a distance. The task is stressful, both emotionally and financially. Here\u2019s how one family manages to go the distance.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Barb Smelser is a full-time caregiver, living more than a thousand miles away from her dad<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

\u201cI try to talk to my father every day, but he\u2019s hard to reach, so that doesn\u2019t happen all the time,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Earl Schmalz, a 92-year-old World War II veteran, was living on his own in Dallas \u2013 until he fell and broke his hip last year. Now he\u2019s sitting in his wheelchair by a window with his daughter in a Dallas nursing home.<\/p>\n

\"Earl

Earl Schmalz, a 92-year-old World War II veteran, was living on his own in Dallas \u2013 until he fell and broke his hip last year. Now he’s in a nursing home.<\/p><\/div>\n

\u201cSweetie, I didn\u2019t really want to come here at all,\u201d he tells her.<\/p>\n

Schmalz starts talking about his service in Germany nearly 70 years ago. His daughter tries to bring him back to the present.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy preference was to go home, at which point I was told I couldn\u2019t unless I had somebody that would be with me on a 24-hour basis,\u201d Schmalz explains. \u201cAll my kids live out of town. So I don\u2019t have anyone locally that I want living with me. I just wouldn\u2019t be comfortable.\u201d<\/p>\n

‘It just tears you up’<\/h4>\n

As a daughter, Barb Smelser wants to honor her father\u2019s wishes, but she\u2019s torn. Her husband has a job in North Carolina. Her father doesn\u2019t want to leave Dallas — or hire full-time help at home.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know he wants to go home,\u201d she says. \u201cBut he can\u2019t. It just tears you up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Even

Even at 92, Earl Schmalz loves to reminisce about his military service during World War II.<\/p><\/div>\n

So she travels back and forth for weeks at a time. At home in North Carolina, she manages her dad\u2019s finances. It\u2019s taken a toll.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe travel — I don\u2019t know how I do it,\u201d she says. “It\u2019s just hard. You\u2019re being pulled in so many different ways. And you have your own life. You almost have a second life. So it\u2019s almost like you have several different lives you\u2019re running.\u201d<\/p>\n

There are an estimated 7 million long-distance caretakers<\/a>\u00a0like Barb Smelser in the United States.<\/p>\n

That number is likely to grow. In Texas, the 60-plus population is expected to rise to more than 8 million people by 2040 — that\u2019s almost a 200 percent increase from 2000.<\/p>\n

‘It’s really hard to watch an aging parent’<\/h4>\n

Caregiving is exhausting work.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s sleeplessness, there\u2019s obesity, there\u2019s depression. It\u2019s really hard to watch an aging parent not do well,\u201d says Cheryl Acres, a nurse and certified geriatric care manager<\/a>. She helps families through the planning and decision-making that comes with aging and illness.<\/p>\n

\"\u201cI

\u201cI know he wants to go home,\u201d says Barb Smelser, Earl’s daughter. \u201cBut he can\u2019t.”<\/p><\/div>\n

In addition to adverse health effects associated with caregiving, there can be a serious financial impact.<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople have devastated themselves financially trying to pay for care,\u201d she says. \u201cThere\u2019s millions and millions of dollars lost every year because of that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Annual expenses incurred by long-distance caregivers averaged nearly $9,000, according to a 2007 report<\/a> by the National Alliance for Caregiving<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Barb Smelser, who also cared for her mother-in-law before she died, is still learning to take care of herself. She says it\u2019s like what a flight attendant says while giving instructions before the plane takes off: When the oxygen mask drops, secure your own before the person next to you.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have to take care of yourself because if you don\u2019t, you won\u2019t be there to take care of the person you\u2019re helping,\u201d Smelser says. \u201cIt\u2019s hard to step back and take care of yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tips for Caregivers<\/h4>\n

How can caregivers cope? Barb Smelser is an expert — she takes care of her aging father.
\n

<\/p>\n
    \n
  • Talk to every medical person<\/strong> who comes in to care for your loved one — each doctor, nurse and therapist.<\/li>\n
  • Don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions <\/strong>so that you understand what choices you have, and what decisions you need to make. If you do not understand what the doctor says, keep asking until you understand.<\/li>\n
  • Take care of yourself. <\/strong>Pray. Breathe. Remember to take time to eat. Stay hydrated. Take a short walk to get fresh air and perspective.<\/li>\n
  • Try to be thankful that medical care is available <\/strong>in the middle of this stressful situation. We no longer live in a time where a hip fracture means an automatic death sentence. Chances are excellent for healing and recovery.<\/li>\n
  • Make an unplanned visit.<\/strong> If your family member is spending time in a rehab or nursing facility, stop by for a surprise visit.\u00a0 \u201cIt makes a huge difference,\u201d Schmalz said. \u201cThe people who have somebody going to visit them are not as likely to fall through the cracks.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

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